Orla

Orla Interview Transcription

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Kate Have you ever felt jealous?

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Orla Yes, I feel jealous all the time. Constantly jealous of people, always thinking well, it's more to do with the fact that I'm thinking that I'm not doing enough and then jealous of all these people that seem to be doing. Loads of stuff. So yeah, I feel jealous when I see people. Being achieving a lot of things and then thinking damn why am I not achieving as much of that? Yeah, I suppose just scrolling through like Instagram basically and seeing people, especially if they're younger than me seeing people and being like, how come you've been able to do all of these things and and I've not. But that's my own issues with comparing myself to people which I'm trying to do a lot less now.

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Kate Do you think sex is important in a relationship?

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Orla Yes, I think it is important in a relationship. Or at least it is for me, but that's because I'm an inherently sexual person. I think obviously people who are not very sexual wouldn't matter as much. But for me, yeah, I think sex is important because. Yeah, for a long time, I disconnected with sex quite strongly because I was in a relationship that wasn't allowing me to be true to myself. And now, since I'm in a in a relationship where I feel very true to who I am, I feel much more able to. Put a greater weight on sex and I think it's a lovely way to connect to other people. Whether or not you're in a relationship, it's just a nice way to connect to other people.

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Kate Do you resent the time you spend looking nice getting dressed up?

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Orla No, I do not because I enjoy it. I love putting makeup on and do my hair and picking outfit. I yeah, I pick. Outfits like days before an event. Or I'll lay in bed the day before I, you know, going to work and pick what outfit I'm going to wear that day. And I never wear the same outfit every two days in a row just because I enjoy variety in. Yeah, doing things and making myself look nice. And I love doing my makeup. I feel like putting that time and effort into myself is like self-care. In a way which a lot of people would think it is not, but for me it is because. And this might see sound sort of backwards on my point I'm making, but I feel more confident when I feel like I look the way I want to look. And feel like I can take the world on a little bit more.

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Kate Does society's expectations of beauty standards impact on you?

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Orla Yeah, I would say definitely. I think, yeah, for so many years, like when I was younger, when I was like, you know, 1516, I thought I was so fat. And then you look back on pictures of yourself and you're like Jesus Christ. I was a skinny little thing, which makes me think now, you know. It it even when I think now that maybe I'm a little bit have a bit more weight on me than I'd like. I think about the fact that I look back on those pictures of myself at 1516. Think how skinny I am, and then I remind myself that I. I'm not what my brain wants me to think I am. I don't know. My brain tries. I think everybody's Brain tries to convince them that they are a certain level of unattractiveness that is actually not true, and I'm really trying to break that. Break that in my own mind. And yeah, I think especially, uh, dating women a lot more now has made me realize that. What I find beautiful or what I find beautiful in myself, is not what I find. Beautiful in other people. Like people's weight and and and you know or fashion sense or the amount of time and effort they put into themselves does not. Affect my attractiveness? Attractiveness to them does not mean I'm less attracted to them. So I think I need to take a little bit. Pressure off myself basically.

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Kate what do you do for work?

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Orla I am a costume maker and I have recently been working for the English National Ballet, making costumes for the ballet dancers and I'm about to go on to actually tomorrow I'm about to start a job. Making costumes for 42nd St. work, working with another maker who's been commissioned to make a lot of costumes, and I'm going to assist them in making costumes for the West End and I love it. Yeah, I absolutely love it. It's. It's what I want to do. Can't imagine myself doing anything else.

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Kate what’s the minimum amount of money you think you could live off live comfortably off?

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Orla my answer has probably changed quite a lot in the last few years because at one point I was living very comfortably off of Universal Credit. But since I think life has started up again and work has started up again and. Prices for things have gone up again. Yeah, I'd say probably I'd like. I'd like to be earning at least 30 K to to be able to. Be comfortable. But I would love to be earning more than that anyway. But yeah, to to get the things I want to do. What I want to do to see people to enjoy myself. 30K is the the minimum I think.

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Kate does the idea of being old worry you?

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Orla Yes, only because I am almost certain I will encounter health health issues as a type one diabetic. These things more than likely coming for me and someone that doesn't have great control. I a lot of people like to convince a lot of people that I do have great control. The reality of the situation is I do not, and that will probably backfire on me at some point in the future, but I am enjoying. Life's too much right now to worry too much. About it right at this. Minute I will. It will concern me. Late in the next few years, I'm sure. But yeah, these things seem like a a worry for for another time and I will get to. It at some point. I'll get to worrying about being old.

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Kate do you ever worry about what people think about me?

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Orla Yeah, totally all the time. I always worry that people. Think I'm not a nice person or something. I always, yeah. But then I'm a I'm a chronic overthinker with anxiety, so I always worry that people don't like me or something that I've said is not good or right or. Yeah, I always worry about that. So I'm always trying to please people I guess, which is not great. Doesn't make me a bit of a people pleaser, I suppose, but. Yeah, I'd rather just. I say yes, I do worry about what people think about me, but at the same time, in a lot of other. Ways I really don't. So it's balancing those two things. I basically care that people think I'm a good person, but I don't really care what people think about me. Like visually I guess or I care that they think I look cool. That's something I care about, which is lame. But there you go.

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Kate what does having a good time look like to you?

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Orla it is all about the connections I make with other people. Yeah, that's something that is more apparent to me in the last year than ever before being around people I genuinely like and appreciate is so important to me and I do not waste my time on people that don't give me good feelings anymore. Yeah, having a good time is spending time with people that make me feel good and work. Whilst it used to be about. Getting fucked up and. Being silly, I love being silly now, but. I'd much rather. Talk to people and. And have a nice time. With people that uplift me basically.

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Kate do you think marriage outdated?

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Orla  I don't think so. I want to get married. I want a party. I want a party to celebrate. I don't think marriage is outdated. I don't think celebrating love will ever be outdated. Maybe the the religious aspect of marriage are totally outdated. Yeah, societies aspect of marriage. Super outdated. Some people are marrying to go up in the world, but I think and I think certainly that is quite outdated but. In my mind, marriage is. A celebration of love and. I don't think celebrating love that you have for other people should ever be outdated. Maybe we should. Have a new kind of marriage that's just about celebrating your friends, friendship, marriage. Those things are important, I think.

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Kate do you want children? And how would you see your care of children being handled in the future?

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Orla Maybe I want children. I'm not entirely sure yet. Feel like I'm at the age now where people just start deciding if they want children and I'm still like, whoa, not for a good while yet. So yeah, I'm not sure yet. I like the idea of having a little me running around, but I definitely do not wanna birth anything. So yeah, I like the idea of adopting a kid. I don't think I could bring ethically bring one into this world, with the climate and and the population.  The growing population and all of that, I don't think so, but. Ethically, yeah, sure, I could adopt a kid. I like the idea of adopting a kid that has, you know, diabetes from a country which they may die if they have diabetes, which still happens, unfortunately, in a lot of countries. So yeah, that's always been something on my mind and care of children in the future. Care of children in the future? Think it's just all about. I don't know. Spreading the care of kids, like all of this heteronormative standards of caring for your children type thing between two people, I think is slowly becoming more outdated. You know, find, you know, groups of people, commune style, raising kids. And I think that's kind of beautiful. Character and I'm sure in my in my future if I do have a kid, there'll be several of my friends that don't have kids where I can be like, right mate. You just take. Care of my kid for a night. Suppose that's kind of babysitting, but still I think it will be much less heteronormative and much more focused on the positive growth of the kid. Or at least it should be in my mind.