Charley

Kate do you worry about the future?

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Charley I actually worry about the future so much, probably disproportionately so, because I was adopted by my grandparents. I always had this like realization that my parents, as they are, are going to die early. One of them already has. I only have my mum slash grandma left. And, you know, I worry about that all the time. People take it for granted. They have their mom and dad and they think, you know, they don't even think about it. You why would you? Why would you think about your mom and dad dying? But I had to think about that from a really early age. So I have always had this kind of worry about the future. I have worries about things like oh, I'm not going to be good enough not to be successful enough. I'm going to waste my time. Doing whatever. But I always feel like there's always time for that. There's always time for people that are older, so that's what I worry about the most, I think. 

 

Kate how was lockdown?

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Charley Locked down was. A weird one for me, so I was I was living in Brighton at the time with this, with this friend, and the friend had a partner and she moved in with her partner. So I was actually alone for a few months and I quit my job. So I was gonna. I was had. Something else potentially lined up, but obviously COVID it didn't happen. I was meant to go to this assessment day and it was. Cancelled and I. Was like, oh, no shit. So I had a few months off and actually it was really what I needed because I was in a really, really bad place mentally, like the worst I've ever been suicidal. Having that time away from work, if I had it now, it would be so different because I'm. I'm like right now, so I could kind of enjoy it more almost. But like in that moment, it almost felt like the perfect time for me because my mental health was at rock bottom. Suddenly, there was nothing to do because we couldn't do anything, no obligations. I had no job. I was literally just chilling at home. Like, what do I want to do today to look after myself in the. Most basic way. So I went on loads of. Walks and I just went in the sea and I made plans to move back home. So after a couple of months I moved back in with my. In the countryside in Essex, and it was the most healing time of my life. And I remember at the at the time I. Was, you know, struggling. I look back at it now and I'm like, wow, that was so amazing and so special. I had no money. I was on benefits, never been on benefits before, but yeah, I was on benefits and I'm so grateful for it. And you know. I came out the other. Side I got a job. Moved back to London and and also in that time in lockdown I met my fiance so and if I hadn't moved back then I wouldn't have met him because we met on a dating app and. Obviously like the. The radar of like where you are. It wouldn't have matched him because I was in Brighton before I moved back to Essex and he's from Essex. So there you go. 

 

Kate do you want children?  How do you see the care of the children being handled?

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Charley I do want children. I wasn't always sure if I wanted children. I have been pregnant before and had an abortion, so I I didn't know if I could get pregnant or not because I have PCOS. So getting pregnant was a big deal and it was really hard for me to have the abortion, but I was very young. I had. No job. I've just been very redundant. I had no money. I had no stable partner. The guy I was just kind of sleeping with him. It was just somebody that I knew I had no house, you know, I thought this isn't fair for a child, so. But it made me reflect on things and I definitely do want a child now and my current partner, my fiancee, we've spoke about it a lot. I think we both want to have to have three children. However, we both are very open to adoption because there are so many children in the world that need love, and I've worked in an adoption agency. Before and it was the hardest fucking job ever. I'm adopted. My grandparents adopted me because my birth parents left me when. I was a baby. So I believe in adoption, so, so much also the adoption process is a very, very, very hard, very vigorous. It's deterring to a lot of people, I think when you can have your own biological children, but I'm really open to it and I would love, love, love to do it. We're not considering children yet. We're 28 and he's 30 this year. We're thinking 35. Who knows? But that's the kind of age bracket. But yeah, I think. Children, the idea of children has changed because like 20 years ago, it's just like you get married, you have children now. I'm like, you don't need to. I personally want to, but I'm also like, but it's almost selfish to bring a child into a world when there are so many suffering and working in that adoption agency. You saw that first hand, so. And and the care of my children. So again, my partner and I have talked about the care of our children, how we're going to raise them and stuff. And we've both been raised in like, a really good stable. Environment and I mean I say stable as in I mean we've had at least a parent who has raised us in a stable way. We've had a lot of pain and hardship and he's had divorce and I've had abandonment and stuff, but we've had that stability from a parent who has like shown us so much unconditional love and shown us right. Wrong. So that's. Just what we want to give to our children. And and and we want to include our parents in that because they gave us the best. I mean we turned out OK so. We want them to help us shape them, but yeah, just like a really fair approach. Teach them, teach them things about the world that they need to know, like, real things. 

 

 

 

 

Kate is marriage outdated? 

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Charley Marriage is outdated and I speak as somebody who's getting married in like, less than five months. It is outdated and it's wrong because there are so many stipulations about it not allowing people in the LGBT communities to get married in some places, et cetera, et cetera. It should just be two people love each other. They want to get married. It doesn't really mean anything anymore that much, but I guess I'm just traditional and romantic, and to me it does and and I guess also, if you think about it legally as well, it like helps you if. Something happens to one of you. You're legally each other's family. And I love that that that makes your family as well, because then you have children. You know, not that you wouldn't be a family anyway, but. You know, marriage is also an amazing celebration of love, which is what I intend for my wedding to be. I want it. I love a party and I love hosting parties, so this is kind of my idea of my wedding is going to be the biggest like party for all of my family and friends to come together, celebrate and and. Celebrate my love with art and introduce him into our family, because that's ultimately what I see a marriage as or a wedding as. I don't believe in the kind of. Religious necessity of it. I'm not saying I'm not religious. I'm not saying that I am, but I don't believe that you have to have that tie to make it real. I think it's just your absolute, utter devotion to a person and you are sharing that and. Promising that in front of people because. That is your tying together of as becoming a family so.

 

Kate what does having a good time mean to you? 

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Chalrey Having a good time is subjective, depending on who you're with. Having your time with my partner is having quality time where we have. No pressure of work and it's just us and we're in somewhere. We want to be like. I mean, it could just be our house or it could be on holiday. OK. We're happy we are chilled and we are connecting and talking and. Don't feel overwhelmed in any way. Whereas with my friends. My idea of a good time is like hanging out. I mean if you want to be like keeping it on the same level, hanging out with my friends, talking again, connecting chilled, you know, maybe cooking something fun or trying something exciting or celebrating something. I think the thing that I look forward to the most is like. I don't know an event on the weekend where it's like someone's birthday or something like that. I really look forward to. So yeah, but also I just I can find fun with myself. I can. I can find peace going for a walk by myself. I can look forward to that as well. 

 

Kate do you worry about what people think of you? 

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Charley I 100% worry what people think about me, but not as much any  

more. I got really bullied at school so I always worried what people thought of me and I was and it's made me into a people pleaser. I know that, but you know, I'm really fortunate that I'm surrounded by some really solid, wonderful friends who I trust with my entire life, so I don't really have that with them. I do have this silly feeling occasionally I'm like. My God. I'm not as. Good as them. But that's just like my mental health issues, I think. But yeah, I think. I think as long. As you're doing things right, like I try to just live a life where I'm doing the right thing, then you're, you know, you're being a good person, so you shouldn't have any doubt, right? 

 

Kate does getting old worry you? 

 

Charley It's really weird. The idea of being old doesn't worry me, but like I do, definitely feel like society's expectations are scaring me with aging. Like I've had some filler and stuff and like, I'm not ashamed of it. I love that we have that like access to us and but I I don't. Yeah, I don't think. I mean, I was always. I always. Remember hearing this quote that being old, is a privilege denied to many, and I've known people who are young, who have passed away, and I think like fuck they would give anything to be living my life. So I kind of feel like I have to be grateful. So in a way. They getting old. I'm kind of like, yeah, I can see myself as an old lady. I'll be really cool. 

 

Kate how much money do you think a person needs to live off? 

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Charley Oh my goodness, money is the most ridiculous question because. I don't know. I mean, I honestly think that. In in London, where I live in today's day and age. I think you need to earn about 50 grand to be able to be living comfortably. I earn less than that and. It's just not really enough when you consider the like the disproportionate amount of rent and bills and stuff in London. You know you earn more in London, but then you pay so much more. It's actually not working out right anymore. Also, I'm in this weird tax bracket between 30 and 40. Or 30 and 50,000. I think it is where you just end up getting taxed so much. So I'm meant to be getting a pay rise. It's only of like 3 grand a year or something like that. Great, but the tax works out to be almost the same, so I actually don't take home anymore. So it's really frustrating. So I actually think 50 grand is what people should be earning is like a lower threshold now because that pretty much will then take you will take home about 2 1/2 grand rent is normally about 1000 with bills. That's 1 1/2 grand to live. On so, you know, 500 for food and just basic share. And then a grand for disposable income savings, et cetera, et cetera. 

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Kate what do you do for work? 

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Charley So for work I'm an untrained service delivery manager, which is. A basically a line manager for train crew. So I manage all of the train managers for a train company and in that I have the good, the bad and the ugly I have. I have. I get to help people. I get to know people and get to help kind of shape them in their careers, which is really cool. But then I also have, inevitably a few people that need managing more than others and have to try and kind of push them in the right direction and all that kind of jazz. And as part of my role, I also learn how to be a train. Hard so I can do their role as well, which is so much fun. Love working on trains, meeting passengers, doing tickets and stuff like that. It's so much fun. Our train company goes all over the UK, so I really love that I get to travel around. And and and, you know, meet people. And I just love the buzz of walking for a train and even just checking tickets. I know it sounds like really sad, but it's so nice because it's such basic customer service and I just love to be able to give that. And that's why I feel like I'm a good manager in a way, because I can. I can say to anyone that I manage if they're unsure about what they're doing, I can go, right. Let me show you how I feel it's done the best way. So yeah. 

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Kate how do societies expectations of beauty standards impact you? 

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Charley societies expectations of beauty standards have impacted me for my whole entire life. Always have and probably always will, which is really, really sad because on the outside I seem like a really body positive person. I am. I think people of all sizes, shapes, etcetera are beautiful. And yet I cannot channel that into my own self so. I have struggled. Disordered eating and and the like and all those, all those issues I think growing up in the early noughties when everyone was skinny, it's really affected me because I was never skinny. I never have been, so I definitely internalised it and idolised people that were skinny and thought skinny is beautiful. Skinny is. Is happy. Skinny is, you know, everything and fat is everything that's bad. And that's such a deep, deep part of me that it's actually really hard to break away from. So finding any positivity in my now body, which is still not skinny, it's size 60. I mean, I guess some would say average, but you know there's always this kind of thing inside of me. That's like you're too far. You need to lose weight every time I eat something. I'm like counting the calories. And you know, I need to work out. I need to exercise. I need to work that off. It's always in me. And I actually do genuinely think maybe I should get some therapy. Got it. But I do feel like it's the upbringing I've had in the kind of world that I've been in. For me that. Which is really. shit, because I would see a woman. Like who is any size and is struggling like what the fuck are you talking about? You're amazing. Why are you even thinking this? Because of society? Fuck that. You're perfect. Are you happy then? 

 

 

 

 

Kate do you resent the time you spend getting ready?  

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Charley I would never resent the time that I spend getting dressed up. I actually love that part of any night. I literally allocate like two or three hours to getting dressed up because I love it. I love it. I put like something on Netflix or I put something on YouTube and just watch like something shit. So I don't have to like function properly and. Right. And like, do my hair, my makeup, dress dance around a little bit maybe. Have a pre. I drink, I love it and I as much like I have days where I don't want. I have weeks where I don't wear makeup. I don't shave, I don't wear makeup. I don't give a shit. But then when I do get dressed up and put makeup on, I feel like a wow fuck.  And I like that I have both because I don't. Feel like I need to be. That one level all the time. I can be both. But yeah, I do love it. So I know. I don't regret it at all. 

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Kate Have I ever felt jealous?  

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Charley Instantly, I'm like yes, I have felt jealous on many occasions. I am. I I'm assuming this is to do with the relationships, so I will focus on that. The most jealous I've ever been. And the example I would use is when I was dating Amy, when I was at UNI and I felt jealous because she wasn't really giving me like the effect. And that that she had before. And I kind of, you know, when just you just feel something's wrong. And anyway we went she was from Devon and we went back to Devon and we were staying there and at her parents house and I just remember being like I need to just I need to look through her phone which is awful. This was like years ago now, and I looked through her phone and I found messages between her and this girl from the football team. And she'd been cheating on me. They were basically like having an emotional and physical affair. But I was so jealous the whole time. But kind of. Rightly so, because something was actually happening. So it's crazy how your intuition picks up on that. 

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